Hangul Saeed is a student and she tells our readers how she fought back against her fears. She writes beautifully.
As the sun of the dawn comes seeping down the mountainsides, showering its golden shades on trees, the sensitive soul of mine arises with new hopes and dreams, discovering pleasure and beauty in the ordinary like a smile that lightens the dispirited soul of an aged man, starring the desperate children who are so eager to win an argument, observing fruit vendors with their eyes awaiting customers, people driving across the city till the darkness falls.
With all their visions my eyes lift up seeing the birds dancing on one another’s songs and the clouds adding colour to the sunset as the darkness deepens.
Then, as the darkness settles, anxiety embraces my gasping breath, making my hands and feet sweat. My eyes well up to calm down the anxious heart. That feeling of hopelessness for having no control over my self. The world fades around me.
I see nothing, but my phone, shaking in my hands, make a call to my father. “You are all fine, dear daughter. Don’t surrender yourself so quick. Face it, don’t panic. I’m all here with you.”
All these warm words calmed me for only a few moments but I couldn’t help myself. The fear for crowd, for darkness, being alone, frightened me. Even home started to eat up my soul and then I went to a psychiatrist who made me feel like I’m a fine soul with no black hole.
Doctors, mediation and encouragement cured a part of my soul, drugs and antibiotics did what they do but encouragement and support did most of it.
Whoever is reading my story and suffering from depression or anxiety, please don’t consult a religious man to heal your soul. Go and consult a psychiatrist.
Hangul Saeed is studying medicine. She is from Turbat
